The Storm Before the Calm
by epierce123
Summary: Post 2.9- sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better. But love always wins, right? Wayhaught
1. Chapter 1 (08-07 10:05:57)

_"Dear control freak, I will talk to you when I want to talk to you. Until then, have a nice life hurting the ones you love."_

Nicole spends the entire night reading and rereading her text. She can't stop. All Nicole's ever wanted was to make her happy, to protect her. All she's done is hurt her, but she can't help but be hurt herself. Angry and hurt that Waverly won't even let her explain herself, won't even let her touch her.

She loves her. She loves her so devastatingly much. Sometimes she thinks that maybe she'll always love Waverly more than Waverly can love her back. And most days, Nicole is okay with that. She's okay with it because it's Waverly. It's her Waves. She's such an enigma to Nicole, a Phoenix that has just grown wings and all Nicole wants to do is help her fly, to ensure she never burns again.

But today, god, today Nicole just wants to be loved. She wants to be held and cherished, but most of all, she wants to be wanted. It's become abundantly clear to Nicole that she doesn't really have anyone here at Purgatory. Anyone except Waverly. And even that might be just a fading thought. She's lonely. So when she hears the knock on the door, Nicole can't help but feel relief flood through her. Can't help but think 'Waverly', can't help but sigh out her name.

Nicole opens the door only to be met with Mercedes Gardener in a tattered black widows dress. Nicole can't help but think maybe she deserves this as her soft smile drops from her face.


	2. Chapter 2

Waverly groans loudly when she rereads the text message she sent to Nicole. She sees the read receipt on her phone and it makes Waverly feel like the worst person in the world. Waves knows that she read it, imagining Nicole sitting on her couch with the dejected look in her eyes, the one Waves saw when Nicole said she lied to protect her.

And god, Waverly can't help but feel the guilt of the kiss creep up on her. The damn kiss. The one that should have never happened, the one that only reminded Waves of how in love with Nicole she is. Reminded Waverly of the softness of Nicole's lips, the tenderness that Nicole touches her with, the way their lips fit perfectly with each other. Matching dominance and warmth and love. The worse part is the fact that she knows how it feels to be cheated on, hell shes dealt with it with Champ for years. She knows how it makes someone feel, how worthless you feel when it happens. She's never wanted to make Nicole feel that.

Waverly let's out another groan of distress while jamming at the buttons on the screen. Hoping that maybe the next button will clear the entire text exchange.

"What'd that phone ever do to you?"

Waves looks up at Rosita. She waves her phone in front of Rosita's face, "I sent something to Nicole. The text was so nasty. She's gonna need some space"

Rosita's face morphs into a mix between a side eye, face palm, and a fierce need to ensure that Waverly fixes this. Leaning into Waverly, " screw space. Look, you need to get up in her face and make things right."

Rosita rights herself and shrugs nonchalantly, "I gave a guy space once to hook up with his best friend. And that guy was on Wyatt's shit list... yeah, worst second date ever".

Waverly cocks her head to the side, "think she's up yet?"

Rosita smirks. "Miss Pleat-In-Her-Pants is probably doing sun salutations as we speak. But she'll open the door for you". Rosita shakes her head, "no matter what time".

Waverly smiles at the though of Nicole, nods her head, and heads toward the door. Wave turns, "thanks by the way. For not making this weird and you know, giving me a swift kick in the butt".


	3. Chapter 3

Nicole opens her eyes slowly, blinking the brightness out. She feels Waverly shift beside her. Nicole glances over to the side of the bed and gets lost in the beauty that is Waverly. How her hair seems to shimmer in the sunlight that's peaking through the curtains. Her skin soft and welcoming. Nicole reaches over and lightly, slowly, runs her finger tips down the curve of Waverlys face. A soft smile graces Nicole's face as her eyes shine with adoration. Waverly slowly smiles at the touch of Nicole's fingers while her eyes remain closed.

Nicole leans in and places a feathery light kiss on Waverly's forehead and goes to get up. She pauses mid movement when she feels strong arms wrap around her abdomen and pull her down. She feels a face burrow itself between her shoulder and cheek, tucked in the crook of her neck. She hears a faint "not yet" and feels a soft kiss placed at her pulse point. Nicole let's herself relax into the warmth, let's herself be engulfed with love and happiness. She feels hands trace her skin on her abdomen, leaving goosebumps at their wake. The kiss on her neck turns into soft nips and soothing touches with Waverly's tongue.

"Waves, baby, what are you doing?"

"Mmmm, tasting you." Waverly giggles, "you taste so good baby."

Nicole groans, "love, I need to get to work. I won't be able to get up if you continue."

Waverly lifts her self up, leaving little space between their bodies and mouths, "I don't want you to go." Waverly leans in for a deep kiss, "stay baby, I'll make it worth it."

Nicole glances at the clock on the nightstand. She does the math in her head, "okay baby, I'm yours for the next 45 minutes..."

Waverly works quickly in pulling off Nicole's boy shorts and her own panties. She kisses Nicole hard, grabbing Nicole's hand and bringing it down between her own legs. " Do you feel how wet you make me, mmmm baby."

Nicole groans loudly, " god, baby you are so sexy, so beautiful." Nicole goes to flip them over but is stopped when she feels Waverly's hands shove her back down.

Waverly smirks, "this is for you, remember. I'm going to make you scream." Waverly slowly makes her way down Nicole's body. Stopping to give attention to the hard peaks on Nicole's chest, slowly circling her right nipple with her tongue and tugging gently with her teeth. Waverly slides her tongue down Nicole's stomach, reveling in the twitches and flexing of the muscles.

As Waverly gets closer to the source of heat, she's interrupted by the sounds of cries coming from a different room in the house.

Nicole groans, "baby, why'd you stop?"

Waverly lifts her self up, "don't you hear that Nicole?"

"Hear what?" The cries begin to get louder, turning into screams. Nicole jolts up and scrambles for her clothes.

Waverly begins to laugh as Nicole trips over her own feet trying to get her pants up, "Nicole, sweetheart, it's just Wes."

Nicole looks incredulously at Waverly, "who the fuck is Wes?"

Before Waverly can answer, the screams get louder to the point Nicole is clutching her ears in agony. Nicole glances up at Waverly whose smile turns much darker and her eyes blacken.

Nicole squeezes her eyes shut clutching at her ears, hoping the sound stops. She chants to herself, "it's not real, it's not real, it's not real."


	4. Chapter 4

Waverly makes her way to her car coming up with things to say to Nicole. She sits in the driver seat, flips down the mirror and takes a deep breath. "Nicole, I know I've been really shitty to you. I know I've been difficult to deal with. I've just had so many emotions and just... I'm sorry. I need to tell you something.."

Waverly angrily huffs at herself in the mirror and shakes her head. _Wrong all wrong_. She turns the ignition and makes her way toward Nicole's place.

When she arrives she notices the front door slightly ajar. _Well that's odd._ Waverly grabs the closest weapons she can find, which happen to be two wooden baton type things and makes her way up the steps slowly. She peeks around the door and spots Nicole on the ground with a woman in a black gown hovering over her with a hand gripping Nicole's neck. Waverly can see blackness spread along Nicole's neck, squeezing hard enough to leave indents to the skin.

Waverly makes a split second decision and comes flying through the door, "not in this lifetime, you bitch". She swings the wooden batons across the widows back. The widow doesn't budge. Instead her head slowly turns toward the attacker and stares. The widow grips tighter on Nicole's neck and vanishes with Nicole attached. Waverly is left alone.

It happened so quickly. Abruptly. Waverly had little time to register what Nicole was screaming but now it's the only thing she can hear.

* * *

She jerks awake to screaming. It's only when she looks around frantically that it registers that she's the one screaming. Nicole spots Waverly. _Waverly. Get out, run, please._

The next time she wakes up, she's alone. She can feel the slow trickle of blood coming from her forehead, can feel the damage to her throat as she struggles to swallow. She can't help thinking, hoping that Waverly made it.

She loses consciousness with the last thought of Waverly. _Always Waverly._

* * *

"Waverly!" Someone is yelling at her. She can't hear them. She can only hear Nicole. _Get out. Run. Please._

"Waves, c'mon snap out of it... tell us what happened" someone is shaking her. Kneeling next to her. Holding her.

It's not Nicole. Where is Nicole?


	5. Chapter 5

Author Note: if you haven't already noticed, chapter 4 has been updated and corrected. Thanks!

P.S. I last minute changed the direction of this story.

* * *

The crying returns. "Babe, go get Wesley from the crib."

Nicole looks up from her spot on the ground and finds Waverly looking slightly irritated while trying to wrestle with the tangles in her hair. _Wesley?_ "Uh... okay..." Nicole slowly removes her hand from her ears and makes her way out of the master bedroom scanning down the hall to locate the sound of soft whimpering. She walks into a bedroom decorated with blue skies and clouds. Making her way towards the crib she stops and peers down at the source of the sound.

Staring up at her is a perfect baby boy, reaching, his pouty little mouth, dark short curls, and big brown eyes begging for his mother to pick him up. Nicole reaches for him when his whine gets louder. She brings him close to her body as the baby snuggles in and sighs contently. Closing her eyes, her body sways a little automatically, tucking her head closer to him.

Nothing makes sense. She's not quite sure who this baby is, why he seems so attached, why this feels wrong, but she can't help but feel incredibly happy in this moment. Can't help shake the feeling that this is exactly where she needs to be.

"Wake up".

Nicole opens her eyes and looks to the door. "What'd you say?"

Waverly smiles gently, and walks slowly towards Nicole and Wesley. She stops and leans up to place a gently kiss to Wesley's cheek and a soft kiss on Nicole's lips. "I said, he woke up." Waverly stares down at Wesley with so much love, Nicole can feel her heart swell with happiness and warmth. Waverly goes to grab Wesley, "its diaper change time!" She says in the happiest and chirpiest voice, bringing him to the changing table.

Nicole laughs. She's never been this happy.


	6. Chapter 6

Wynonna rushes to Nicole's house. Nervous and scared at what she's going to find. When she gets the call from Waverly, the only thing she can hear is harsh breathing and hushed whispering. Typically she'd be totally grossed out, but she can hear the shake in her voice, the cracking, and the choked sobs. Wynonna knows something is wrong. Knows that it has to do with Nicole. Knows that Waverly won't come back from this if it's anything she's imagining in her head.

She slams on her brakes and quickly shifts into park. She sprint waddles up the stairs, glaring at her belly for good measure, and rushes into the house. She stops dead in her tracks when she sees Waverly on the ground shaking, on her knees, sobbing.

"Waverly!", she grabs her by the shoulders when she doesn't get a response. "Waves, c'mon snap out of it." Wynonna glances around looking for Nicole. "Waverly, what happened? Where's Nicole?"

She's still shaking. Muttering to herself brokenly. Wynonna wraps her arms as best as she can around her and squeezes. "C'mon Waves, follow my breaths... in and out". Wynonna inhales deeply and exhales slowly. They sit there together for what seems like hours. Wynonna holding tightly onto Waverly, whispering soothing words and rocking her gently. Waverly's breath starts to even out, her eyes start to focus in. Her hands come up and wrap around her older sisters arms.

Waverly breathes in deeply "Wynonna, she- she's... she's just gone". Waverly clings onto her sister harder and sobs.

 _I'm going to kill her._ "Shh, it's okay Waverly. It'll be okay" Wynonna kisses the top of her head. "I'm sure she'll be back" _she fucking better be._

"No. You don't understand" she shakes her head, and cries "she was right here Wynonna and I couldn't save her..."

* * *

Grabbing her jacket on the way out the door, ready for work, she's stopped. "Babe," Waverly says in a stern voice, "if you think Nedleys going to let you work, you're delusional." Waverly unzips her jacket and pulls it off to hang up. "Wes is in the playroom, why don't you two play a few games while I make a big breakfast". Waverly makes her way to the kitchen leaving a stunned Nicole in her wake.

Nicole stands in the foyer, incredibly confused. _"Why can't I work?"_ She shakes her head and heads towards Wesley. She finds him surrounded by toys on top of toys. Not sure where any of this came from, she situates herself so that Wesley is sitting between her legs and is leaning back into her. She grabs a book at random, looking down, _Snuggle Puppy_. Nicole opens and begins to read to Wesley as he swats at the thick cardboard pages.

She hears giggling, "baby, you're supposed to sing it. He likes it better that way". Nicole looks up with a puzzled look. She begins to sing the song completely wrong. Waverly's giggle turns to an outright laugh. "Baby, let me do it" Waverly sits down next to her and leans into her shoulder. "...ooh snuggle puppy of mine. Everything about you is especially fine..."

Like Wesley, Nicole is enthralled with her voice. Falling a little deeper in love with her with every word she sings. Resting her head of top of Waverly's, she joins in " I love what you are, I love what you do, ooo I love you", both parents planting a wet sloppy kiss to Wesley's chubby cheeks


	7. Chapter 7

Authors Note: tbh, I'm really running with this. Not really sure where I'm going with it... but I hope you're enjoying it. I'm trying to keep it short so I'll actually finish it in a reasonable time frame.

if you're wondering if I plan on finishing my other stories, I am. Starting to think about how to conclude Chemistry. Keep you posted!

* * *

He finds out that's she's missing from the rookie, 20 and still learning. He knows that he's not supposed to have favorites but something about Nicole makes him think of his daughter. The daughter he longs to bond with but doesn't know how, so instead he plays the father figure to the next best. So when he finds out, the urge to jump in his cruiser to look for her bubbles to the surface.

"Details. Now".

"We don't have anything Sheriff. Just that Mercedes Gardener was seen in her house."

"Grab deputy Mayor and check the place out."

Nedley makes a break to the BBD office after the rookie leaves. Picking the lock in the desk drawer looking for the case files, he quickly scans for the one labeled "The Widows". Finding it, he swipes the contents and walks briskly to his car. Double checking for his weapons, he starts the car up and guns it.

* * *

Her hand squeezes a little harder as the visions keep coming. She can feel the cracks in her heart mend a tiny bit every time Nicole looks at Waverly. She can't help but put herself in Waverly's place, taking over her body. She wishes it were real, wishes she had fallen in love with Nicole instead of Sheriff Clootie.

The harder she grips, the more clear the visions get. Her grip gets more forceful, hoping to immerse herself in the love Nicole offers so freely.

* * *

She can't figure out why her throat is burning. It's not a sensation she's familiar with; nothing like a cold or strep. It's more like a pressure, a burning, that's starting from the inside. She ignores it, thinks nothing of it. Not when Wesley is laying on her chest napping, not when Waverly is snuggled to her side, her breath tickling her neck. She ignores the pain in favor of sinking deeper into the mattress, of running a hand gently through Wesley's soft curls, of gently drawing patterns on Waverly's lower back underneath her shirt.


	8. Chapter 8

The BBD meet. Waverly has red bloodshot eyes, Wynonna looks worried, Doc looks ready to fight anyone that crosses him, and Dolls , well he just looks concerned for everyone's well being. Dolls goes to unlock the drawer with the case files but finds it slightly ajar, thinking nothing of it he searches for the one named "The Widows". He finds the folder but it's empty. He internally cringes, terrified of the reaction he's going to get from the Earp sisters.

"Uh..." he scratches the back of his neck nervously and turns towards the group, "the files are missing".

* * *

When he was younger, he'd go on these suicide missions without thinking because he was young and a dumbass. Now, his only excuse is that he let himself care too much.

He parks in front of Police station and kills the engine. He'd already hit the most obvious locations; home of Tucker, Beth, and Mercedes, every abandoned building in a 15 mile radius, checked in with the rookie about anything suspicious at Nicole's. He looks down at the case file. Studying each word, checking and double checking patterns, scanning photos, looking for anything that may help him find Nicole. Something catches his eye. _Clootie_. The name sounds familiar, too familiar.

Nedley rushes into the station, he stops short when he hears yelling. He quickly slips the missing case file in the back of his waist band and flips his jacket over it. He strolls in towards the BBD office.

In an authoritative voice "what's going on here?"

Eight eyes zero in on Nedley. Waverly lifts her finger and jabs it towards Dolls, "he didn't lock the fucking drawer and now we can't fin-"

Wynonna quickly clamps a hand over Waverly's mouth. "Nothing Nedley, just a disagreement about things, we're just gonna go now" She jerks her head toward the door while eyeing the others and pulling Waverly out of the station.

Nedley shakes his head, idiots he thinks to himself. He finds it funny that they all think he has no idea about revenants, no idea about the curse. He's been living in this goddamn town since he first entered this world. He knows. Hell, he's seen. But they all think he's some pathetic old cop trying to do everything by the books. They don't know that he's been covering their asses for years, been shuffling around evidence every now and then, been their anonymous tip from time to time.

Shaking his head, he quickly strides into his office pinpointing the key to this whole damn mess. Stopping in front of a photograph from years before he was the sheriff, he spots the picture of the police department. Much like an all school picture, there are men dressed in uniforms standing shoulder to shoulder. Scanning the faces, he zeroes in on the sheriff. The badge reads Sheriff Clootie.


	9. Chapter 9

Authors note: episode 10. Literally nothing in the episode went how I thought it would except for the part that Nicole tells Waverly she loves her and Waverly doesn't say it back. Also Waverly makes another dumbass decision.

My story will be straying slightly away from the show as... well clearly Nicole was not taken to the hospital in my fic and is still unfortunately missing.

* * *

 _I'll never let you go_

 _I'll never let you go_

 _I'll never let you go_

 _I'll never let you turn around, our back on each other..._

Nicole wakes from her nap to Waverly and Wesley dancing in the kitchen. She stops at the entry to watch Waverly serenade Wesley while breaking out into some pretty terrible dance moves. Wesley giggles as Waverly grabs the wooden spoon and uses it as a microphone. Getting on her knees, Waverly belts out the chorus as she quickly switches to using the spoon from a microphone to a guitar to "shred" to the music.

Waverly stops abruptly when she hears Nicole laughing. Waverly turns to Nicole and breaks out in a huge smile.

"Nicole!" Shimmying her way to Nicole, she grabs Nicole's hands and drags her to the kitchen turned dance floor.

Nicole picks up Wesley, as the three of them dance around the kitchen while singing to each other. Nicole loses herself in this feeling of total and utter happiness. Laughing wildly, she spins Wesley in her arms. That is until the fire alarm goes off.

Scrambling for the food, Waverly jumps over to the oven to shut it off. She quickly opens the windows and fans the smoke out. Peering into the oven, she whines. "Damn it... I knew I should've just waited for you" Waverly pouts.

Kissing away her pout, she hands Wesley to Waverly and pulls out the burnt pizza. Letting it cool some, she cuts (mostly breaks) off a piece and shoves it in her mouth. Hiding her obvious disgust, she smiles at Waverly. "Waves, it's really good." She goes to eat another bite, "you know what? I want the whole thing, I'll make you and Wes something else". She looks up when she hears Waverly laughing.

Waverly's laughter dies down as she offers Nicole a soft smile. "Baby, I can tell it's terrible," placing a chaste kiss on Nicole's lips "but I love you for trying".

* * *

*I had Pandora on to my 90's mix and it played Never Let You Go by Third Eye Blind. I regret nothing

**sorry it's short, but I needed fluff to make myself feel better after that episode.


	10. Chapter 10

He cuts the engine quickly. Triple checking the Map, the location so old that the gps has it marked as non existent, he steps out with his shotgun in his hands. Adjusting his Stetson hat, he quietly makes his way over to the abandoned building. Circling the building, checking for signs of life, he peeks into the cracks of the barn walls. He doesn't see anything. He knows for sure that this is the location. That if the widows are really trying to resurrect Sheriff Clootie, this is where they'd go. The location of which he died, shot cold blooded by none other than Mr. Wyatt Earp.

He still hasn't figured out why Nicole, of all people, to kidnap. He supposes it could be due to her relation with Waverly. But even he knows that Waverly Earp isn't a "true" Earp, not by blood at least. Shaking his head, _focus,_ now is not the time to solve the mystery. Right now, he needs to get to Nicole. Save Nicole.

Making his way around the back corner of the barn, he notices a dark looming figure hovering over something, his view blocked. Instantly he knows that it's Nicole, has to be her. Without much thought, he comes crashing through the barn wall which surprisingly breaks under his weight. Raising his shotgun, he fires directly at the figure.

* * *

It's never been like this. Anytime she's taken over a body, it's a quick act. No emotion, no thought, just the act of survival. But with her, _god_ she can feel everything. She doesn't have that want, that _need,_ to survive. She just feels. And she knows that she's been holding her too long, knows that any longer and she won't be able to make the switch. She knows that the slowing heartbeat and the paling skin means that the body won't survive the possession, knows that she's killing her. But she's so consumed by the raw emotions she's experiencing. She can't stop, wants to ride this high until her very last breath, paralyzed until the body can't take anymore.

So consumed with all that is Nicole, she doesn't notice the commotion behind her. Doesn't feel the shotgun pellets rip through her shoulder, spraying her dark black blood all over. She continues to feed the hunger and need to feel anything but nothingness like she has for the past one hundred thirty plus years.

* * *

"Get up"!

Nicole jumps up, eyes wild, searching for the voice. Her eyes zeroing in on the intruder.

"What the fuck Nedley! Get out!" Nicole scrambles to put her clothes on as she wraps Waverly up with the blanket. "You can't just barge into our room and Wesley is asleep!" She shout whispers.

"Nicole! Get. Up."

"I'm fucking up" she goes to grab Nedley by the arm to pull him out of her room and away from her peacefully sleeping girlfriend.. _wife?,_ but her hand passes through his body. She stops and stares down at her hand then slowly back up at Nedley. _What the fuck._ She slowly lifts her hand to Nedley and tries a again, but the same outcome occurs. Her hand passes through Nedley body like he's not really there. She really looks at him, studying him, only now coming to the sudden realization that ghost Nedley is yelling at her but no sound is coming out. He is screaming at her frantically, she can see the sweat drip down his face from the exertion from yelling but still no sound. She closes her eyes and counts down from ten slowly in her head.

 _Ten_

 _Nine_

 _Eight_

 _Seven_

 _Six_

 _Five_

 _Four_

 _Three_

 _Two_

 _One_


	11. Chapter 11

"God damn it Waverly, you can't just do that. You can't go spilling secrets like that", Wynonna sighs as she sees the broken look on her younger sisters face. She wraps her arms around Waverly tight, "we're gonna find her baby girl. Nicole is strong, she's probably putting up a fight". She places a comforting kiss to the top of her head, "trust us, trust _me"._

She feels Waverly shake in her arms and it destroys her. She's always fighting the guilt from vanishing from Waverly's life for so long, missing the younger years, watching her grow up. She always felt like Waverly would be better without her, without the curse. But Waverly, she always fought back, so stubborn and _strong._ She'd never tell Waverly this, but sometimes she thinks that Waverly would have better cut out at being the heir. Waverly was, _is,_ so much smarter than her. It was Waverly who was a grownup before she even hit her teen years, not Wynonna. While Waverly was raising herself, she was out fucking around. She still is. For fuck sakes, she's pregnant. But she promises to be better, promises to protect her sister at all costs, because she loves her. She loves Waverly so much, thinks that maybe Waverly is her soulmate. Not in the weird incestual way, but more in the way that she's never really understood people, understood love. But she gets Waverly, understands her, knows her. She knows that she'd do anything to make sure her baby sister is happy, is safe, is _loved._ Which is why she has to find Nicole.

Nicole is the key to Waverly's happiness. She's never seen Waverly so free, so alive when she's with Nicole. And she understands why. Nicole is an enigma. Wynonna's never met someone so fucking _good._ Didn't think that, that much good could ever exist. She thinks that if Waverly is going to end up with anyone in this life that it's got to be Nicole.

She's so lost in her thoughts that she almost misses it. She almost misses Nedley sprinting out the back of the police department and speeding off in his car. She's never seen him move so quickly, not even for a donut. The only time he's moved remotely fast was when there was a call about his daughter, Chrissy. Wynonna knows Chrissy is fine, she bought disgusting decaf coffee from her, and then proceeded to spit it out on the floor. _Can you really blame her?_ Most people wouldn't say Wynonna was observant, but after learning about Waverly and Nicole's nature of their relationship, she kept a close eye on Nicole. Wanted to know everything about her, trust wasn't something she easily gives out. But during her time of observing, she'd notice the proud look on Nedley's face whenever Nicole would bring someone in. She knows that Nedley would only move quickly for two things; Chrissy and Nicole... and maybe Calamity Jane.

She pulls away from Waverly abruptly and grabs Doc, "Dolls, take Waverly to Nicole's. Someone's gotta check on Calamity Jane". She pulls Doc into her truck and steps on the gas, tires screeching as she turns out of the lot.

* * *

He starts yelling, frantically, for Nicole to wake up when he realizes the gun is totally useless. He yells, screams, begs... he's running out of breath with how much effort he's putting in. Without much thought, he throws his body against Mercedes' as hard as he can. It works. He and Mercedes go crashing through the support column of the barn. He delivers punch after punch, not sure what he's hitting.

It's not until later that he realizes, when he starts to get dizzy, fading in and out of consciousness, that the pooled blood around him is his.


	12. Chapter 12

She knows that Wynonna must be on to something as she was all but shoved into Dolls' arms. She knows that she'd be no good to Wynonna if she went. She's a bit of mess, can't really think of anything except Nicole. She hates that her last words to her were in a text. An awful, hurtful, petty text. She hates herself more for the kiss. She wants her last kiss to be from Nicole. Knows that she'll never love anybody, never want anybody other than Nicole. She knows the Nicole is her person, her soulmate.

She really wishes she went with Wynonna.

* * *

She opens her eyes. She expects to be at home. In bed. Instead, she's in a gigantic white room or what she assumes is a room. Not sure what to do, she walks around aimlessly, the room so bright that it's starting to hurt her eyes. Squinting, she stumbles across a door and quickly rushes through.

She finds herself face to face with her father, Samson Haught.

"Long time no see kid".

* * *

The feeling of nothingness returns immediately, filling her lungs with empty air, and her heart with blackness. She lets out a feral scream in agony. Already missing the warmth of Nicole. She flails her arms about, her sharp nails lashing at Nedley. Anger boiling within her soul, her nails marking Nedley's body leaving blood in its wake. She must've hit something important because blood begins to profusely pour out of him.

 _Good,_ she thinks. She rushes back to the body only to be hurdled backwards.

* * *

He thinks that death shouldn't feel so okay. But out of all the ways to die, of all the people he'd protect, Nicole was unequivocally the best person to die for. He wasn't much for mushy words or heart to hearts, but Nicole was the finest officer he ever saw. Hell, she was the finest person he'd ever met. He'd never met someone so unconditionally loving and good, he sometimes didn't think she was real. He thanks all the higher deities out there, that he was fortunate to have met, to have befriended, and to have loved someone like Nicole. But his last thought wasn't of Nicole.

Instead, he wished he had made more time with Chrissy.

* * *

She figures the quickest way to get inside is to just run the whole damn thing over. So instead of parking next to Nedley's patrol car, she steps on the gas. The truck goes flying through the barn doors, stopping just short of Nedley's tattered body. The first thing Wynonna spots is Nicole, relief flooding through her. She and Doc jump out of the car, Doc pulls two pistols out and fires rapidly at Mercedes. Mercedes stumbles back, shoved to the ground, with Wynonna's boot logged into her throat.

Pointing Peacemaker at Mercedes head, "any last words?"

* * *

Authors note: don't actually know Nicole's fathers name... so I made it up. Anyways, thanks for sticking with me.


	13. Chapter 13

Author note: fair warning that this is a slightly graphic chapter. Slightly being the key word. Just wanted to give a heads up to my sensitive readers out there.

* * *

 _"Any last words"_

She's been ready for this moment since the day she was released. One hundred thirty plus years is a long time be trapped. It was a long time to be trapped with someone you don't really like, just tolerate. She can't even remember why she's trying so hard to get Clootie back. Thinks that she's always been pretty easily persuaded by her sister wife, thinks that maybe all of _this_ isn't worth it. Not when she could've met someone like Nicole. So she looks up to the person holding the gun to her head, thanks them silently, and begs for it all to end.

 _Please._

* * *

She thought that, that would've been more satisfying. But she can't shake the guilt she feels for pulling the trigger. The look in her eyes is something that she thinks she'll dream about for a long time. Like maybe, Mercedes/widow never wanted this life.

Wynonna shakes the thoughts from her head. She surveys the scene. There's blood everywhere. She can't distinguish Nicole's blood from Nedley's. It's bad. It's really bad.

* * *

He's been in a lot of gun fights in his lifetimes. He's seen a lot of blood in those years too. But he's never quite seen anything like this. There's blood _everywhere._ Nedley is barely identifable, his face littered with deep cuts, blood leaking out of them. His eyes are screwed shut, swollen and bruising. He's afraid of what he won't feel when he touches Nedley's pulse point. He's even more afraid to feel for Nicole's. Nicole, _god,_ she looks so fucking peaceful. Her wounds are less noticeable, but the paling of her skin, the slight sheen of sweat, the dark angry bruising on her neck, and the blood coming from her head wound cannot be ignored.

He's not sure what he's supposed to do. He glances at Wynonna, sees the light glaze in her eyes. He knows she won't cry, can't. At least, not in front of him.

His voice scratchy from the turmoil he's feeling, "we need to get them to the hospital".

Wynonna glances up at him, looking surprised that he's stand there, "y-yeah, let's go".

* * *

She gets a call while she's sitting on the couch with Calamity Jane curled up on her lap. She bolts upright, jostling the cat. "You got her?! You really have her?"

She listens to the response, notices the fake cheeriness in the voice, knows that it can't be good. "I'll meet you there".


	14. Chapter 14

Author note: I'm sorry :/

Also just FYI... it's going to get worse before it gets better for wayhaught. O.o #slowburn

* * *

She gets a call from an unknown number. She ignores it. She gets a call from Waverly Earp. She ignores it. Doesn't think anything of it, except when she looks at her phone hours later. Twenty three missed calls. All unknown. She has two voicemails from Waverly Earp. She listens.

* * *

She sits near the bed and holds his hand. She was never very close with him, didn't really think much of him. Not until Nicole. She remembers when Nicole spoke about him with such admiration. How she was so proud to be working under someone like Nedley, to be learning from him. Waverly never quite got it, but she knows that Nicole would never forgive her if Nedley was alone.

She tried calling Chrissy, left her a voice message. It was one of the hardest messages she'd ever left. How do you tell someone that their father is dying, no medical device or medicine was going to save him. Instead she tells her the important stuff, like how her father was so brave. So _fucking_ brave. That he put up a fight, that he'd won. That he had saved Nicole. She told Chrissy that she needed to come to the hospital asap.

She holds his hand. Tells him that Chrissy is coming. Tells him that she's not going anywhere until Chrissy shows up. She not quite sure what else to say, so she tells him a story. She tells him about the time Nicole took home his Stetson hat by accident. She remembers Nicole stumbling back in from being out with Wynonna, her Stetson hat covering her eyes. She remembers flicking the hat up, "baby, I think your head shrunk". Nicole giggled and said "no baby, my hat just got bigger". She tells Nedley that Nicole was drunk. So very drunk that night. Drunk enough to let Calamity Jane sleep in the stolen Stetson hat. She remembers vividly when Nicole came to the next morning. Remembers Nicole scrambling to rid the hat of the fur when she realized that it wasn't her hat. She laughs when she tries to explain to Nedley the size of Nicole's eyes when the realization dawned on her. The total fear and the slightly hungover sway, she remembers how adorable Nicole was. How she spent 100 dollars for urgent dry cleaning, refusing to accept it back until she was reassured many times by poor Sally Ann that there was in fact not one single cat hair on the hat. She tells Nedley that it was Nicole who broke the lock to the office to return the hat and it was Nicole who left the 50 bucks it took to replace it.

She stops talking when she feels him squeeze her hand. She starts crying when the heart monitor stops beeping.

She leaves another voicemail for Chrissy.


	15. Chapter 15

Authors note: I have a very very limited knowledge of anything medical. Also I don't know how I feel about this chapter... may change it later

* * *

She's concerned about the internal bleeding, she's concerned of a hell lot more if she was honest with herself. It's a small town, knows the HIPAA laws, the Earp sisters aren't on the release of information list, _no one is_. She tells them in the back office anyway. Informs the sisters that Nicole is currently non responsive, that her body is shutting down from the lack of oxygen for such a continued amount of time, that there may be internal bleeding (she had found some deep purple bruising around the rib area, possibly multiple fractures). She's as honest as she can be with them. She informs them that she and her team are going to do as much as they can, but in the end, it'll be up to Nicole.

It's worse than she initially thought. When she reviews the X-ray, she notices the fragments, notices that the two ribs are all but shattered on the right side. She knows surgery is the only option now, was hoping for a different solution. Doesn't think that Nicole can handle that kind of trauma to the body.

There's so much that Nicole needs she doesn't really know where to start. She just finished her residency two years ago, she's thinking that maybe she isn't cut out for this. She goes through with it anyway.

* * *

Waverly has been pacing in the waiting room for hours now. She's sure that Waverly is going to collapse at some point. She's waiting for it.

She's having trouble compartmentalizing her emotions right now. She thinks it would be easier if Waverly sat the fuck down or passed out at this point. She doesn't care. All she knows is that Nedley is dead. She saw the fear etched on that baby doctors face when she talked about Nicole. She feels like screaming.

When Nedley found out about the baby, he was so damn supportive. She signed off on many anonymous home deliveries of baby products; car seat, crib, stroller, a shitload of toys, etc. She also spotted the reciept for $700 in Nedley's trash can. She never got the chance to thank him for it, doesn't know if he'd have wanted that. Nedley was always so silent when it came to emotional things. That was a trait they shared. She wonders if Nedley knew more than he let on. Maybe he really was smarter than them all.

Her eyes trace back and forth as Waverly's steps slow down. Her eyes look up when Waverly stops in front of her. "I don't think I can be here right now Wy".

She gets up, slowly, and grabs Waverly's hand. She's got an idea. Something Nicole showed her.

They drive out of town by a few miles. She turns on an unmarked dirt road. She remembers Nicole taking her out here when she found out about the baby. She remembers what a mess she was that day, how fragile she felt. Nicole took it on stride though, didn't bat an eye when she had started crying. Instead, she remembers Nicole telling her to get into the car. Remembers the clearing, the dip in the land, that if you stood in the exact spot, your voice would echo off the surrounding land. Nicole had dragged her out, hands on her shoulders, and placed her just right. She remembers Nicole telling her to scream. She looked at her like she was crazy, but she did it anyway. It was exhilarating. She had felt so small only moments before but there's a switch that turns on when you scream at the top of your lungs, when the sound of just your voice carries on for miles. She felt infinite. Then she proceeded to get Nicole drunk. It was fucking great.

She leads Waverly to the clearing, places her just right. "Scream".


	16. Chapter 16

He gets a moment alone with him. Wished he had come in a moment earlier. Maybe the silence wouldn't seem so deafening. He supposes that you never truly appreciate anything until its gone, didn't really believe that until now. He had gotten comfortable with the safety he felt, the lack of false accusations thrown his way. Nedley was a good man. Didn't involve himself in things he knew he couldn't fix, he let Doc and them deal with it. Silently supportive and realistic about his abilities.

He's interrupted from his silent ramblings by a frantic Chrissy running into the room. Watches her face as she focuses on her fathers lifeless body. It feels wrong, to be observing this moment, watching her face crumble as she acknowledges his body. He wants to leave, but instead he finds himself wrapping her up in his arms as she cries.

* * *

Once the surprise subsides, she finds herself running into the arms of her father, "dad". She hugs him tight, inhaling his scent, as a soft smile spreads across her lips. Samson Haught hugs his daughter with tears in his eyes, making up for missing out on the last three years of her life.

"I missed you kid".

She doesn't really understand how he's here. Swears he died three years ago, ending his short and painful battle with cancer. Her heart aches with how much she's missed her daddy, wonders why he's decided to show up now. "What are you doing here"?

"I think the question is, what are _you_ doing here? It's much too soon for you love". He smiles at her gently, "look at me 'Cole, I ain't aged a bit since I first saw you at the station, beatin' up and bloody. Loved you since the day I met you".

She remembers that day. Couldn't forget it even if she wanted to. The day she met Samson Haught was the day she knew what hope felt like. She was home with a girl she fancied from school, had her in her room. Her first kiss happened that night. It was also the night she lost her birth mother. She vividly remembers the cold hard fear that washed over her when her drunk mother came barging through her bedroom door, never seen her so drunk, _so angry_. She'd always been used to her drunk mother, used to the beatings that came whenever her mother felt like it. But that night, that night was the worst. The searing pain that shot through her body once her mother came to, struck with her softball bat that laid by the door. She could feel the blood drip down her face. She remembers yelling at Kelly to get out, remembers the bat striking her body again. She remembers seeing Kelly being shoved to the ground by her mother, remembers throwing her body on top of Kelly's, shielding her from the blows. From the police report, it states she was hit at least ten times with a metal blunt object before her mother was shot dead by her younger sister, Sarah.

She remembers being brought to the station to provide a witness statement with her sister. Her arm shielding her sister from the outside world. Nicole remembers the hard stares she and her sister received while walking through the station, but a quick sharp order from the sheriff quickly had the other officers averting their eyes. They were brought into the back office, the first thing that comes out of her mouth is "they ain't separating us", determination etched on her face. Her thirteen old self had spent the last nine years protecting her sister and she'd be damned if she failed now. She remembers how Sheriff Samson Haught smiled softly, "there ain't no way they'd separate you two on my watch". She can still feel the warmth and safety she felt the moment she met eyes with him. She'd always read in those stupid cheesy novels that you could see a persons soul through their eyes, with Samson Haught it was the honest to god truth.

It quickly became apparent to everyone around them that the bond between the two girls and the sheriff grew with each passing day. He'd stop by the various foster homes every day to check in on them. She remembers the uproar and havoc Samson caused when he'd found out the system separated them. The separation lasted no more than 24 hours. 48 hours later, she was no longer a foster child.

The happiest day of her life was when he signed the adoption papers for not only her but her sister as well. Remembers the judge banging the gavel signaling the finality of the adoption process, tears of joy in everyone's eyes, especially Samson. She'd never been prouder than the moment she signed her name, _Nicole Haught._

* * *

Authors note: fun fact, I'm adopted. I always imagined Nicole having a difficult childhood. She just always struck me as an old soul.


	17. Chapter 17

They find themselves back at the hospital, notified by Dolls that she was out of surgery. Waverly hasn't left Nicole's side since, post surgeries.

It's too loud, the machines whirring with life while Nicole's drains. She knows that rising and falling of her chest are controlled solely on the machine next to the bedside. Waverly fills the void with words. She's always been a rambler, even in the most inappropriate times. One time when she was younger, during a funeral, she couldn't stop going on and on about what the body looked like. She was so descriptive about the dead body in the casket that the grandmother of the deceased barfed all over the row in front of her. The entire church was in chaos, lots of shrieking and people running around looking for rags. It was horrible, _hilarious._ She was quickly ushered out of the church.

She tells Nicole about the time Wynonna left. She was ten the first time she sees her sister come home, drunk out of her mind. She was twelve when she was peeking through the crack in door way as she watched her stuff a bag full of clothes. She remembers sprinting back to her bed, steadying her breathing. She still hears the creak of the door when she closes her eyes at night. Waverly tells Nicole that Wynonna stood in her room for what seemed like hours, tells her that she was at the edge of sleep when she felt the lips of her sister on her forehead. She remembers the rush of wind when Wynonna abruptly turned and walked out.

She's not quite sure when she started crying but she is. She doesnt know who she's praying to, the last time was when she was thirteen, wishing for her sisters return. She didn't know who she was praying to then either. All she knows is that she doesn't want to live in a world without Nicole, doesn't know if she can.

* * *

She wakes her up with a soft squeeze to her shoulder. Waverly startles awake. "You should go home Waves, get some real sleep, and shower".

She watches Waverly internally struggle with herself, she gives her an out. "I'd like some time with her. She's my friend too." Waverly nods, places a kiss to Nicole's head and walks away. She lets Wynonna know that she'll be back within the hour, two tops.

She waits until Waverly is out of the room, leaving her alone with Nicole. She wonders when she'd come to depend on Nicole, wonders when her feelings changed from disliking to caring, wonders when she started calling her Nicole instead of Haught, wonders when she started thinking Nicole as family. She supposes it could have been during one of the umpteenth late night conversations they'd had. And maybe she was drunk half the time, but recently she'd been sober. Not really by choice, but Nicole made her realize that maybe she did care for the life growing inside of her. She remembers Nicole giving her a 'taking no Earp shit' face and telling her to pull up her big girl panties and get the fuck over it. Nicole made her cry that night. Honest to god, ugly cry. She remembers wanting to punch the smug look off her face, remembers Nicole readying herself to take the hit. That's when she knew. Nicole had wrangled herself into her heart. She knew then that she'd do anything to keep Nicole safe. For her sanity and for Waverly's. She wonders if Waverly thinks she's a failure too.

* * *

He takes her hand and leads her over to a park bench. Just like when she was younger. He'd always clean up her bruises and scratches after she'd get into a fight. He would take her to the park and just simmer in the silence, wait for her to open up. He remembers being called to the school regarding a fight between her and some other kid. Remembers trying not to laugh when he looked at the other kid, frat boy type, with a swollen right eye, and split lip. Then he looked at his darling daughter, smug look and barely a nick to her cheek. The humor quickly vanished when he finds out she's been suspended for a week. He remembers the screaming match they had when they got home. He remembers his other daughter whimper in the corner, begging them to stop. He'd never been so disappointed in himself. He hadn't realized how scared Sarah was, how defensive Nicole was like she ready to throw her body at him to protect her sister. He backed off like Nicole had burned him. He watched as Sarah scrambled up to her room while Nicole ran out the front door with a loud bang.

His girlfriend at the time, Alice, was more than willing to watch over Sarah while he searched for Nicole. For hours it seemed. Eventually he finds her at the park bench. He doesn't say anything, just takes a seat at the other end of the bench and waits. They sit in silence until the sun sets and the stars begin to glitter the sky. It had gotten cold, he remembers gently laying his jacket over her shoulders. He remembers smiling softly as he watched her snuggle into his jacket.

Minutes later her voice breaks the silence. "I'm mad at you" she says quietly.

"I know. I'm mad at me too kid". He looks up to the sky, appreciating the beauty and also to keep his tears at bay. He knows that she's watching him. He feels her shift closer and lean her head in his shoulder.

"You're still my hero".

He remembers those words breaking him. She hugs him as tight as she can. He remembers whispering his apologies. Tells her that she's his hero too.


	18. Chapter 18

Sorry for the delay... I sprained my wrist. Whoops!

* * *

She finds herself at Nicole's place rather than her own. Picking up Calamity Jane, she makes her way to Nicole's bed. She lays down, suddenly not tired at all. She doesn't know if the crippling worry she feels or the guilt that is keeping her up. She hates the silence, needs to do something other than stew in her guilt and anxiety.

She locates Nicole's laptop tucked away on the side of the bed. Pulling it out, she turns it on. She scratches under Calamity Janes' chin while waiting for the computer to whirl to life. She spends the next fifteen minutes researching the best physical therapist within a four hour drive, but gets sidetracked when she notices the mail icon. The mail icon that is informing her of 5 unread messages. She knows that Nicole can be slightly OCD about the notification icons on any of her electronic devices, that Nicole hates them. That Nicole would gladly spend the five minutes it takes to click through all the new messages than to read them. She knows that she shouldn't open them, already has things to be guilty about, i.e. the kiss. She does it anyways, thinks that if people are trying to message Nicole, they ought to know she won't be able to answer at the moment. She pulls open the browser, 5 unread messages. All from one person. _Sarah Haught._

She emails back. After reading and rereading the numerous unresponded emails, she writes back. She feels a little uneasy, a little unsure about Nicole's relationship with this person. But it's very clear that Sarah Haught loves Nicole unconditionally, that she forgives Nicole for some terrible horrible mystery thing Nicole had done. She writes to Sarah despite her better judgement. Tells her that she needs to come to Purgatory as soon as she is able, that Nicole needs her. She provides her cell number and signs, _Waverly Earp._

* * *

She was always the one to break the silence when it came to their spot. Like her pops knew that she had something on her mind but wasn't ready to talk about. He was a patient man. The most patient. Sometimes she wished she had learned that quality a little faster, just a little sooner.

She interrupts the calmness of the moment by telling him that she and Sarah are no longer on speaking terms. She watches the features on his face crinkle in worry. Nicole deliberates internally before she tells him how she was the one beside him when he went in life support, how Sarah said she couldn't deal with it, how she just left. Nicole recalls the voicemail that was left, repeats it word for word like its engraved into her mind.

 _"Hey sis. I don't know when you'll get this or if you'll even listen. I know the last few messages I've left, you ignored. But-...please come back. Dad and Alice need you... **I** need you. H- he's not going to make it. He's dying. And I need you here. I've always needed you. Call me, I love you"._

* * *

He can tell she's lying to him, she'd never been the greatest liar to him. She could lie her way through conversations during family reunions but the moment she tried to lie to him, her eyebrows would furrow together and she'd eventually blurt out the truth. So when she tells him that Sarah left, he knows she's lying.

He remembers lying in the hospital bed, struggling to open his eyes, fighting his way out of he darkness. He remembers hearing Alice and Sarah's voice telling him that it's okay, to let go. He remembers the lack of Nicole's as he reached for his late wife's hand, waiting to hear her voice one more time.

He watches the way Nicole's eyebrows pull together in concentration, knows that she'll tell him soon enough. He looks up to the stars and waits. Samson Haught is a patient man.

* * *

She's nursing her baby when her phone pings, signaling a new email. She ignores it. She doesn't get to it until she's tucked into bed with her husband. She reads the message. Twice, just to make sure it was real. Jumping out of bed, stuffing random clothes into her suitcase, she dials.

"Hi, is this Waverly Earp?"

* * *

She immediately feels the guilt seep into her veins, feels the rush of shame burn her skin. She tells him later, after she simmers in her self hatred, that Sarah left the voicemail, not her.

Ducking her head down in shame she clenches her eyes shut, trying to quiet the inner demons within her from screaming. She feels him get up from the bench, her heart breaking, knowing that he's going to leave her, that she deserves it for abandoning her family years ago. Instead, she feels her chin being gently tilted up. He wipes away her tears then covers her hands with his as he kneels in front of her, he looks at her.

"I'm not mad", He squeezes her hands gently and shakes his head softly. "You're still my hero", smiling tenderly. "I forgive you."

She doesn't stop her body from hurtling towards his as she cries into his shoulder. Years of guilt, anger, and hurt slowly fade as she sinks into the arms of her father.

* * *

Her conversation with Sarah was surprisingly short. Short and to the point, no pleasantries. Once location was provided, Sarah ended the phone call with a quick "I'll see you soon".

She rushes back to the hospital, the sudden urgency to be with Nicole overwhelming her. The questions jumbling her brain, all she wants is to hold Nicole. She's back at the hospital in record time, she takes Nicole's hand and begs her to wake up.


	19. Chapter 19

The last time she was on a plane was the last time she saw Nicole. She had spent the latter half of her college years trying to find her and then out of the blue, once she'd had given up, she gets a picture of her sister suited up in a police uniform from an old college roommate.

Unlike her father, she never really thought things through, was never patient. Instead she remembers booking the earliest flight to LA, ready to bring her back. She remembers what a disaster it was. Words were thrown around so carelessly, the only thing to stop the screaming match was the resounding sound of a slap. The handprint, red and angry, marred the skin of Nicole's face.

 _"You left me. You left him. What the fuck is wrong with you!? Are you so self centered that you can't even be there for your fucking family?"_

 _"Self centered? Oh that's rich coming from you." Nicole steps closer to her, her face angry, bitter. "I have spent every fucking waking day of my life protecting you. I spent every day making sure you got a childhood. While you fuck around with anything that has two feet and a dick since the ripe age of 16"_

She shakes her head to rid the memory from her head. This time, she plans to be conducive with her communication with Nicole. She wants this to work, wants her sister to meet her son, her husband. She shuts her eyes and hopes for a quick flight.

" _Oh god, I'm so sorry... I do-"_

 _She watches as Nicole slowly take a deep breath and release it. "It's okay". She eyes the building wetness in Nicole's eyes and finds her vision getting blurry._

 _"I'm no good for you right now. I'm no good for anyone", Nicole tries to wipe her eyes descreetly, "you deserve someone better, someone not so broken."_

 _She tries to lighten the mood, "you sound like you're breaking up with me."_

 _Nicole flashes a small smile, she feels Nicole wrap her up in a tight hug. She feels a gentle kiss to her forehead, "I love you. You're the best thing in my life." Nicole pulls away, "but I need to do this on my own. I need to find myself again."_

She remembers hugging her harder, remembers feeling like this well may be the last time she'll see her. So she soaks up the feeling of Nicole for as long as she can.

She tries to visit her two years later but quickly finds out that Nicole transferred stations the day she visited.

She sends her first email the day she meets her husband.

* * *

"It's time."

Nicole looks over at her father, "what?"

Her father smiles, "You don't belong here kid. You've done all you can here. It's time to wake up."

"What are you talking about?"

He takes her hand, "this isn't real 'Cole. I'm not real." His arms outstretch as to show a point, the night sky vanishes as it's replaced with only white. The park disappears with it. She watches as the entire space becomes blanketed with white.

She takes her hand away. Angry tears building, confusion sets in. She tries to stop the words coming from her father, tries to block out the noises that suddenly emanate off the walls of the white space.

He feels him remove her hands from her ears, "listen." She shakes her head, he steadies her. "Listen!"

 _"Baby please... wake up."_

 _Waverly?_ She looks up at her father. His figure starting to fade. He's smiling at her, can see him mouthing that it's okay, that he loves her.

She clenches her eyes shut. Focuses on Waverly's voice.

 _It's not real. It's not real. Wake up. For Waverly. Waverly. Waverly. Waverl-_

Nicole's eyes flash open.


	20. Chapter 20

She spent the first four hours holding Nicole's hand tightly begging for her to wake up. Then switched to pacing when she didn't have any tears left. So now, Waverly is pacing. She's been pacing for the past four hours waiting for Nicole to wake up, glancing at the body on the hospital bed every now and then. Talking to herself while pacing. "Nicole, I swear to all things that are holy that if you don't wake up right now, we are never having sex again", "baby, I need you to wake up", "I can't do this without you..."

Waverly stops mid pace to look at Nicole. She can't help but notice how small Nicole looks, how fragile. Sometimes Waverly forgets that Nicole isn't unbreakable, forgets that Nicole needs to be protected too.

Waverly sighs deeply and faces the window of the hospital room that looks out towards the meadow in the back. "Baby, I did something horrible. And I know it's not fair that I'm telling you this now. I swear I'll tell you again once you've woken up and healed. But I can't keep this in anymore. I need you to know even if you won't remember." Waverly takes a deep breath, " I kissed Rosita."

* * *

She clenches her eyes shut. Her heart splintering at the first three words she hears. She wants to go back to sleep, wants to return to the dream, the one where Waverly and her are so fucking happy and in love. Wants Wesley to be in her arms. Wants her dad to be alive. She doesn't care it's not real anymore. She just wants to be loved. Wants Waverly to love her.

"Get out."

* * *

Waverly freezes. She spins slowly, sees Nicole. Her eyes are open, watery and glossed over. No no no. Waverly rushes toward the bed and reaches down for Nicole's hand, "baby, please. Please let me explain". Nicole flinches away from Waverly's touch and god if that didn't just break Waverly's heart she doesn't know what will.

"Like you let me explain." Nicole looks at Waverly, "you should go".

"Please Nicole, I know I wasn't being fair but please let me explain. It was a horrible mistake that I will never make again. Please Nicole, you have to believe me" Waverly's voice getting more high pitched as she continues speaking, her vision blurring. " I lov-."

"Don't." Nicole interrupts Waverly, " you need to leave. Now." The finality of her tone breaks Waverly, tears spilling over.

"I'm so sorry Nicole", Waverly gets up and walks out of the room. She makes her way around the corner of the hall,a few feet away from the room and collapses. The tears won't stop. She can feel her heart breaking, can feel the shards of her broken heart puncture her lungs. She can't breathe.

* * *

She walks into the smallest looking hospital she's ever seen. Tugging her carry on bag behind her she checks in at the front desk. She ignores the various people in the waiting room, noting that there is a surprising amount of people for such a small area.

"My name is Sarah Haught. I'd like to see my sister, Nicole."

She casts a glance at the pregnant lady who looks like she may of fallen out of her chair if the sound of "oh shit" was anything to go by. Quickly refocusing, she's given the room and directions and quickly takes off in the direction indicated by the nursing staff. She misses the hand reaching out for her in her haste to reach Nicole.

She stops abruptly when she finds a woman struggling for breath. She doesn't know why, but a sudden urgency to make sure this woman was okay takes over and the Doctor in Sarah Haught comes out.

Quickly dropping to her knees and letting her belongings fall, she makes eye contact with the woman.

"My name is Dr. Sarah Haught, can you tell me who you are?" The woman shakes her head, unable to speak.

"I'm going to wrap my arms around you, try and follow my breathing", she lets the woman rest her head against her chest as she continues the steady breathing pattern she learned during her therapy sessions, 4. 7. 8.

* * *

She wonders if this was finally karma kicking her in the ass. She'd been a shit sister, a shit daughter for the past five years. She knew she deserved it, she was just hoping that the higher ups had given her a free pass. Thought maybe she deserved one of those too.

She regrets immediately sending Waverly away. But she's angry and hurt. So fucking hurt. She can't stop the barrage of thoughts that hurtle cruel and unforgiving words at her. _Selfish. Worthless. Not good enough. Alone._


End file.
